I've just been realizing stuff ya kno, ya feel?!!?

Alright, I'm feeling and thinking about things right now and I want to get these out of my chest.



I started this year feeling neutral. I did not feel like, "YO THIS YEAR IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR!"  but I didn't feel negative about the year either. Everything was neutral, I was feeling right in between. I thought I liked life being neutral but now that I think of it, I want a change. How do I explain this? Ummm... You know how Emmet in The Lego Movie go through his daily routine and how he eventually got tired of it? Okay, you know what I didn't have to use a reference. What I'm trying to say is that I've been constantly feeling the same thing every single day and I'm getting tired of it. I wanted to feel good and positive again, I wanted to feel like a 100 instead of a 50. Like, I had a bunch of ideas I wanted to write about but I've never got around doing it because I lack the inspiration and motivation to do anything. It's like I'm lost. and like I just want to lay in my bed and binge watch and do nothing else!!!

I feel like I need to find a new hobby or a distraction. Maybe I could also take some time to fully understand myself. And despite the fact that I'm not great at the  "feelings" department, I need to start learning how to acknowledge them. These are a tad bit difficult to fully grasp but I'm up for it. As clichè as it sounds, I need to find myself again.

So yeah, that's all for now. I feel kinda better letting my thoughts out and all. I'm praying that the following days/weeks/months would be a good one for me and of course, you too. Also, is it weird that I'm reminded of Kylie's interview where she said she's realizing stuff???

Ya know what, I'm perfectly fine until I had to do my Philosophy paper. Trying to write my paper made me want to drop out. I don't understand anything and I feel beat and stupid at the same time. I didn't do the last week's paper since I couldn't understand anything. I'm afraid this is already becoming a cycle and I end up failing my Philosophy class. Yikes! Anyway, feeling horrible (Thank you, Philo) made me think about a bunch of stuff.